I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
