This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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