Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
