This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize