I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
