He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
