I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need water and some morals
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