is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
