It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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