Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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