i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
