That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
