I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
