Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
