My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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