then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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