dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
