Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
