Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need moral support for this bender
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
