my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize