Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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