Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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