There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
