Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
