I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
