We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
