dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
