i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
