I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
