i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
