john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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