Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize