im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
