If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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