Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
