i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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