I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
