And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
