We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
