Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think people are normalizing furries
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
