i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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