Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
