Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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