part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
