my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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