Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize