is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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