i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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