my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
