Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
