sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
