He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
