we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
