i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
