I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
