Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
