So drunk its hurt
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
