I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
