She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
