i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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