he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
