Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize