i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
