You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
