I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
