I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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