was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
