think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
