i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize