Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize