he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
