i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
