what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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