Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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