why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
