You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
