I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize