My friends, they love my intelligence
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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