i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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