I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
