Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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