It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
