I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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