how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize